No Rest for the Wicked?
I was busy getting ready this morning and thinking how grateful I was for my lovely clients, the balance I have, and being able to do what I love. Before I continue further, I'd like to highlight that this isn't going to be one of those fake "aren't I great and what a wonderful life I lead - I bet you wish you could all be like me" type of posts rife on social media. Rather, it is meant to simply illustrate some positive confident language in my thoughts and beliefs.
Back to the article...
I also thought, "Ok, I'm quite busy this morning; I'd better get on with it. No rest for the wicked."
I caught myself.
Why wicked? I'm not wicked. (Well, I know some may argue but let's keep it real, ha.)
Where does that come from?
How many other expressions are there in society or cultural norms that subconsciously engrain and encourage negative self-belief?
I can think of a few...
"Money doesn’t grow on trees."
"You made your bed, now lie in it."
"Life isn’t fair."
"Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t."
"Good things come to those who wait."
"No pain, no gain."
"Boys will be boys."
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
"Nice guys finish last."
"You can’t teach an old dog new tricks."
"Blood is thicker than water."
"The grass is always greener on the other side."
"Don’t air your dirty laundry in public."
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Of course, these can offer comfort or guidance to some, and they may work well in certain contexts. My goal here is just to invite us all to reflect on how language shapes our beliefs and, where helpful, explore alternative ways of thinking.
Delving into these expressions more deeply, these are examples of limiting self-beliefs. They are indicative of fixed mindsets where there is no room for human error; no room for learning and growth; no room for being patient or kind to yourself. No room for forgiveness or for encouraging a positive future of aspiration, or for boosting your own self-confidence.
It's almost like you are being told by society: this is your path and you have no chance of changing. You are a fixed mold. Deal with it. Stay in that fixed mindset.
NOW, I beg to differ.
I can say firsthand how I've learned to change over the years and the joy and satisfaction one can gain by changing one's outlook or mindset. Everyone has the capacity for change. If you don't see this for yourself in your present and future, that's where I can come in with my life coaching to help guide you with that.
If I look at each of these expressions in more detail, this is my interpretation of what they are saying:
"Money doesn’t grow on trees." Implies scarcity, reinforcing the belief that financial resources are inherently limited and hard to come by. Hard luck pals - it ain't going to happen, you'll be damned lucky if you make it work. Get working and grinding. Go get burnout.
"You made your bed, now lie in it." Suggests that once you've made a choice, you’re stuck with the consequences. Does that inspire risk-taking or forgiveness?
"Life isn’t fair." This one really encourages drowning in self-pity or your life is a stuck path with no hope. It encourages resignation and acceptance of unfairness rather than encouraging people to seek change or fairness. Don't get me wrong, there are aspects in life that suck and I'm not negating that or undermining anyone going through a hard time - but there is so much more to life than the instances that are hard. This mindset really reinforces a negative view of life and self-belief.
"Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t." Promotes a fear of change, encouraging people to stick with familiar but unfulfilling or harmful situations. Never take calculated risks or find out what potential happiness you could have in in your life if you went for it or did change!
"Good things come to those who wait." Passive. Inert. Inactive. Static. Will anything happen if you wait? Go grab your life - take action! The days of prince or princesses in castles waiting to be saved are long gone.
"No pain, no gain." Implies you can only get gain if you suffer, grind and have pain. Now some things in life are not easy but you don't have to be in pain or suffer in order to get them. Life can be easier than that - let's be a bit more positive. Does work have to be hard to be fun or worthwhile?
"Boys will be boys." I won't go into this one - it's stereotyping.
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Stay in your comfort zone, don't grow. Don't innovate. Don't improve.
"Nice guys finish last." Ignoring the stereotype here, in the real world being nice or kind is not a weakness. You can be strong and still be "nice". Think of all the great examples of leadership around you or that you demonstrate - who would you like to be? Kindness and compassion are not weaknesses; you don't need to be cutthroat to succeed.
"You can’t teach an old dog new tricks." Besides the overt ageism, this limits the belief in personal growth. It reinforces that people become 'set in their ways' with age. Would you agree with this?
"Blood is thicker than water." This one can be tricky depending on relationships. It implies loyalty to family above all else, which can make people feel guilty for setting boundaries with toxic family members.
"The grass is always greener on the other side." Reinforces dissatisfaction, suggesting that we’re doomed to always yearn for what we don’t have rather than appreciating what we do. You will always want more and not be happy with what you have. Pretty disheartening, would you agree?
"Don’t air your dirty laundry in public." This can be triggering for some. Breaking generational silence or being able to say what’s really going on, or reaching out for help, can be powerful. This phrase encourages people to hide problems and repress emotions, which can lead to shame and prevent people from seeking support.
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." Implies that every hardship is a good thing, which can invalidate pain and lead people to believe they should endure suffering silently. Or glamorises hardship because you will come out a better person.
The point is, language is powerful and we can all interpret it in different ways. The language you hear around you and the language you tell yourself have impact. The brain listens to the thoughts you tell it, and if it hears it enough, it will reinforce those beliefs so that you stay stuck in them.
What if you caught these types of negative beliefs or language and asked "Is this helpful or what I am?" Or, replaced with them more positive phrases or language?
Are you defined by what people around you believe - those who may have their own limiting beliefs or agendas - or can you be much more?
How about catching those limiting self beliefs or stamping out that harsh inner critic? Where might that take you?
It is a strong thing and a strong mindset to choose yourself - to believe in yourself - to choose to change and have a growth mindset over a fixed mindset.
It takes confidence and focus to not let the limiting beliefs of others (or what you believe of yourself in low moments) limit what you are capable of.
You can grab the life that you are capable of living and change. And if you don't believe that for yourself, I will believe it enough for both of us until you do.
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Which sayings have you heard often, and how do they impact your mindset?
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Thank you for reading,
Katherine
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